Jesse's Gotcha Day: Hooray!!!!

As I was getting ready to write this post to celebrate Jesse's Gotcha Day, I was thinking of potential titles.  Here's what I came up with as runner ups:

• Blurry Pictures
• Party in the ET
• One of the Best Days of My Life

The list could go on...
As cliche as it sounds, I honestly can't believe it's been one year since Steve and I were reunited with our little man, strapped him to me in Baby Ergo, and walked out of the gates of the amazing Hannah's Hope.  It was out of this world.
After a 24 hour flight with some of the most awesome people I've had the pleasure of knowing (our gaggle of other adoptive families whom we quickly loved and adored!), we arrived at our "home away from home" in Addis Ababa:  The Riviera, where we were warmly re-greeted by the familiar faces that made us feel so comfortable a few weeks earlier.  I was so happy.
There was time to shower and possibly close our eyes for an hour before Wass picked us up, giddy and exhausted to bring our babies home.
I remember singing Whitney Houston's "One Moment in Time" in the van as we approached the gates; I was out of my mind!  I didn't care about cameras, videos, nothing...I just wanted my Jesse Getiso.  I just wanted him in my arms.  So, as soon as the gate opened, I just went in with an utter abandonment that this would be a moment I would want to record.  I have a blurry picture of Steve holding Jesse.  It's hysterical.  That's how I remember this day:  blurry, giddy, running on absolute adrenaline.  My boy was coming home.
With all of the joy, came the sadness too.  When we arrived at the hotel, we brought Jesse up to our room to just have time to bond.  He began to cry that could only be described as utter loss.  Jesse was unmistakably grieving.  He was just torn from all that he knew.  But he held me, wailed, allowed me to love him, and I was not letting go.  After about two hours, he was exhausted and fell asleep in my arms.  The mama in me just knew he needed us more than anything. Steve and I took turns holding this emotionally exhausted boy as he slept.
When he woke up, he was happy again.  Amazing.  That week in ET was sleep deprived, joyous, full of laughter, and tons of community as we hung close with the other adoptive families.  I'm so grateful to have shared this journey with them.  My fondest memory was how Jesse would literally take my face while he was in the Baby Ergo and hold it right in front of his to peer into my eyes over and over and over with the biggest smile on his face.  He was memorizing me, taking me in, holding me tight.  Since then, we have always been close like peas and carrots.  He's a mama's boy, and I don't have one apology for it!
We love our boy, we love his big smiles and laughter.  We love the ups and downs that we have had as a family.  We are in awe of his heritage.  We think of his birth mama every day.  We are humbled to be on this journey.  
Happy Gotcha Day, Jesse.  We love you more than you can imagine.  We dream big for you:  to grow more dependent on God, to love with all of your heart, take risks, and know all along how much you are loved.
Love,
Mommy, Daddy, and Sissy

Holy Cannoli...I'm going to camp!

 My friend and colleague, Sarah Wright, is infectious.  Anyone who knows her, wants to do whatever she's doing.  It's that simple.  She's made friendship bracelet club the hottest thing to do at our school.  Who knew friendship bracelets could be hot?  This coo coo 24 year old, got me hook, line, and sinker.  She got me involved in Young Life.  I'm going to camp, y'all!
Yesterday, as I sat down with Jon, the super nice guy who runs the YL ministry here in Indianapolis and watched w/ a smile as my kids straight up destroyed his office and threw about four tantrums with in five minutes, got me started with "all I need to know for camp."  Although I had to cut our meeting short, for fear that I was going to have a moment with my kids in this nice man's office, I am on my way.
I'm getting older, that is no lie, but I still love the insane teenagers who roam the halls of my school and deliberately choose to make bad choices at their desks (I like to blame it on the 'ol non developed frontal lobe).  I love their messy journey, specifically at this crazy time of their lives.  Now, I'm going to live and breathe it for a week at camp this summer while getting to know them and see how I can serve them through this often intense time of their lives.
I'm asking for prayer from y'all as I gear up for camp on a few levels:

• Please pray for Alex and Jesse.  I've never been away from Jesse for this long (let alone a night in itself).  Please pray for comfort and security for them while mama is away.
• Please pray for Steve.  He's amazing in itself.  I love how he supports all the things I want to do.  I couldn't do anything without him.
• Pray for me; that the Holy Spirit prepares me, fills me for what these kiddos need to hear from Him and gives me the opportunity to bond and build a spirit filled relationship with them!
• Pray especially for the teenagers I'm going to be spending time with.  Pray for their journey with Christ!

Thanks for thinking of me.  I'm excited for this adventure.  I'm excited to serve and be used by God and to have these kiddos be a part of my life too.  Camp is at the end of July, so keep the kiddos and I in mind and heart.  Much love to my homies. 

Love, Kathy  

Summer Sanity?

Have you ever had one of those moments where you start crying for no apparent reason?  You just find yourself on the brink of tears, not for any good or bad reason...it's just there.  I tend to rationalize it with the 'ol I'm a woman, this is a part of who I am, blah blah blah blah.  But in all honesty, there's something deeper than a monthly moment coming on or a wave of depression, which is a reality for many, me especially.

Yesterday, while setting up the registration table at our church and getting ready for the kiddos to come in, I was overwhelmed with a sense of crying.  I looked at Steve and said, while attempting to hold it all together, that I was "having a moment," and I had no idea why.  My neighbor, who sensed something going on, came over and had a check in moment:  are you ok?  Yes, but I'm having a moment for no apparent reason.  I know I sound like a crazy woman.  

When I really think about it, I know there's more going on that just having a moment.  I feel an overwhelming movement/shift going on in my life.  Actually, I think it's been going on for awhile, but I'm overcome at times with the tectonic plate-like movements in my soul when these occur.  It comes like an earthquake, down to my core, out of nowhere.  

There have been many questions, wonderings that I've been wrestling with lately.  There's much that I'm talking to God about, sometimes more than I can verbalize in a sitting.  I've been reflecting on the moment six years ago when I looked at Steve and said that I wanted to grow our family through adoption, and then I start thinking about all of the moments that led up to that one.  It is as clear as day that Jesse, like Alex, was divinely given to us by God as the plan from day 1.  

A year ago, when we were in Ethiopia for those two trips, I felt an amazing sense of joy, laughter, community, love, patience, etc. in the juxtaposition of this developing country, and knew that our journey in Ethiopia was not over.  We were not only forming a beautiful relationship with our son but also with this country, this culture and its people.  I wanted more, but perhaps the better way to put it is I wanted different.  

Since then, the earthquake-like movements from the belly of my soul have been palpable.  It's beautiful, it's scary, it's hard.  I don't know where, when, how.  I am dedicated to prayer right now, asking God to lead me to each door.  I'm willing to walk through wherever He wants to lead me.  I'm opening myself up to ALL the possibilities that He wants to do with our family.  It's scary and exciting to really know that God can do anything to use us to bring glory to Him.  The walls have been knocked down.  We are in the adventure.

What it comes down to is that I think we all have this idea of how our lives will play out.  I'm not sure we have it right, or at least I don't think that I do.  I'm wrapping my mind around all of this, and I think that's where all of the emotion is coming from.  The uncomfortableness of my human-ness to be moved in such a way.  I'm asking that you join me in prayer for all of this.  Maybe you've been through a season like this, maybe you can give me some wisdom and insight!

Meanwhile, thanks for hearing my crazy truth and don't be surprised if you find me awkwardly "veclempt" at times.  Much love!

Double Dose of Humility

It's that time of year again.  There's a few short weeks left of school, and I'm a bit tired.  I've had meetings galore, and we're moving buildings on top of that.  So, on top of end of the year wrap up, I'm packing up a classroom, helping to get a student council together, and giving all I've got to be a good mom and wife.  Unfortunately, I often feel the guilt that I'm not doing something well enough, which is totally Satan trying to drag a sister down.
With all of this in mind, I've been on this intense prayer vigil, especially after reading The Circle Maker.  Steve and I are still bouncing back financially after the past few years (which I would do twenty times over with no regrets) and seriously praying about another adoption after we recover.  Then, the opportunity came up to do the Beth Moore study on the book of James, which I couldn't ignore.  I may have overloaded my plate, but as I told a colleague the other day:  I'm seriously relying on God right now to help me with what I cannot handle.  We all have moments like these.
So, today was one of those days where the button to my jeans broke in the wash, I didn't have another pair to put on, it was already 6 am, I had a meeting before school started, and a dishwasher to unload with other various and sundry chores to get done in 30 minutes; we've all been there...  Needless to say, I was a bit worn out.
One of my favorite parts of my day is picking up Jesse in the afternoons.  He's just smiles from ear to ear when I walk in the door; oh love!  Alex usually debriefs me on her capers at school and then when she gets home, we negotiate dinner time, homework, trying to get some outdoors time (if there aren't any activities planned for the night), and then we're off to bed.  Monday through Friday is a whirlwind, as all moms know.
Tonight, a neighbor pal was having a jean party at her home, and a few of my other amigos met me at my place to walk over and check it out.  By 7pm, Jesse was rubbing his eyes with one shoe on and blueberry stains spotted all over his shirt, and Alex pulled out her math sheet from her seat work that obviously needed some extra help.  You know the scene, I'm sure.  My friends rang the doorbell, the two dogs barked at the door, and I, in my utter selfishness, was more than happy to flee the scene and escape bath time for a night.
I took my no-button jeans a few doors down and found myself in negative Nelly mode.  I was happy to complain about my preteen daughter and my over eagerness of nap time this summer.  I brought my sorry butt home to find that Alex still had not looked over her math, and Steve spent an extra half hour up with Jesse; they weren't even out of the tub yet when normally I'd have him tucked him by this time.      I'm sure you know the deal.
I went upstairs to find my cutie practically jumping out of the tub to hug me when he spotted me; how does one resist that?   And as I was giving him his milk before bed, he took his right arm, which I usually have cradled against his body as I give him his milk, and maneuvered it to hang around my neck as if to get a little closer and say, "I'm so glad you're tucking me in, mommy."  I melted.
To top it all off, Alex goes upstairs to bed, and I accidentally walked in on the Mother's Day project she started three days ago; it stopped me cold in my tracks.  There it was, hand painted on a big piece of paper, all my favorite things:  a New York City skyline combined with pictures of Africa.  I almost died.  She knows me better than I know myself.  (Don't tell her I saw her surprise; she'll die!)
This double dose of humility knocks me on my butt every time.  Isn't motherhood like that?  We give all we got, get worn down, get a little self pity going, and BOOM:  you are totally brought tears in utter thankfulness and repentance for your bad attitude.
I'm so thankful for my two babies, and I'm so thankful that they are so forgiving of me.  I know that this is the kind of grace that only my Jesus could provide because I don't deserve it.
Oh Father,
Thank You for this family.  Thank You for friends who hear me rant and don't judge my crazy butt, for they know my heart and know that You are there, working on me every day!  Thank You for the moments of utter mercy and reminding me that You are so present.  Thank You for my sweet children who teach me, humble me, and show me Your love, even when I don't recognize it right away.  Be with all of us mamas.  We try so hard; our hearts are in the right place, but we mess up sometimes.  We need You, Father.  Thank You for my husband who comes home as tired as I am, looks at my jacked up pony tail, faded make up face, microwave dinner, and tells me how beautiful I am and how good dinner smells.  Oh, You are so good, Lord.  You are so good.
In Jesus' holy name I pray.  Amen.

Heartache

heart·ache

   [hahrt-eyk] 

noun

emotional pain or distress; sorrow; grief; anguish.

It is sometimes hard to explain, but since returning home from our two trips to Ethiopia, I've been experiencing something that can only be described as heartache.  I look around me as I sit in my warm home, my (although not pretty) working minivan, my closet of clothes, etc., and I'm no longer comfortable.  All the things that are supposed to make my life comfortable no longer do; such irony.  

I think some people thought, "Well, she has her sweet boy home.  Hopefully this is all out of her system now."

I hate to say it, but it has been quite the opposite these past eight months.  

I have been vigilant of any and all mission trips I can take, organizations I can keep on my radar, and so on.  I am awakened in the dead of the night with a heaviness on my soul.  I walk through my days with undeniable awareness that I sometimes feel like an alien in my normal life.  God has awakened so much in my heart.

I was listening to Chris Fabry's talk show on Moody Radio the other day when he was talking to Dr. Don Davis.  Although Dr. Davis wasn't talking about Africa, he was describing the overwhelming feeling he has for the calling God has undeniably laid on he and his wife's hearts for serving in the urban areas of our country.  They played clips from his sermon at Founder's Week, and I immediately felt the connection with his words yelled (summarized):  Where is the passion, the fire that God laid on your heart?  Deny your comforts and GO and DO what God has called you to do!  This Christian life is not about keeping our things; it's about leaving it all to be obedient and do the crazy things God calls us to do.  Surround yourself with people who feel that passion, who cannot deny this magnetic pull to the "insane" calls, who encourage you to be obedient and follow the longing on your heart. 

I found myself in tears over this message.

Last night, after putting Jesse to bed and giving Ms. Alex her ten minute call to sleep, Steve asked if I wanted to watch tv; he loves his tv at night ;)  I just looked at him and gave him an emphatic, "No, I don't want to watch tv."  It probably was the look on my face or the tone in my voice, but he turned off the tv.

Last night, I just poured my heart out to my sweet husband.  I am just so blessed to have this amazing man by my side.  So, the skinny is that there's a lot in store for us.  Not this summer, but next summer there will most likely be a mission trip going back to the place that started it all.  And, after Jesse's adoption is paid off, there will most likely be another adoption.  We'll see what happens.

The decision to not go to Africa this summer is because my sweet boy isn't ready for me to be away that long nor are my kiddos ready for that kind of trip.  We have just gotten to a point where Jesse trusts me to leave him either at grandma's or Joy's house for a short amount of time (his amazing sitter and my friend ;)) and know that I'll be back.  I'm afraid he'll lose his cookies if I'm gone for a week. My babies need their mama first.  In the meantime, I'll be a prayer warrior and advocate for doing what I can for those in Africa.  I have to find peace with that for now.   

I'm asking for prayers as I move forward with whatever God calls me to do and with whatever God calls you to do.  He has amazing things in store for our lives and the lives of others.  It just may not be in the comforts of our environments.  We may have to go beyond our borders or our towns, or even churches.  I'm praying for courage for us all.  Let's lay it all down at His feet.  

Sending my love to you all.   

How do I do that?

Since returning to school and getting back into the swing of being a working mom again, I've been experiencing the highs and lows of the demands and blessings of putting my teacher hat back on.  One of the blessings I've felt is from our church family, who through our children's ministry, is doing a fundraiser for Hannah's Hope, the orphanage where Jesse lived for his duration in Ethiopia.  I'm touched beyond words that our extended family wants to do this.  In turn, our children are decorating shoe boxes with Amharic words and Ethiopian colors and symbols to collect money to send to Hannah's Hope.  How cool is that?  There's a sweet video that our kiddos from our church put together connected to a touching story about a little boy who needed a pair of shoes and arrived at the doorstep of HH and his reaction to receiving his first pair of shoes, at the age of eight.  It just shows how there's so much we can do, and it doesn't take a lot, to make a difference in someone's life.
Kids' hearts gently remind me of their untainted desire to want to live fully; in a way that I think some of us forget or are not aware of.  Kids want to know that their lives matter.  Although they love the "stuff" we give them, when presented with the possibility of reaching out to someone else, they are almost always quick to give an unwavering yes; rarely are there ifs, ands, or buts...often like adults do.  Kids will give you more energy than you need to get a job done; just tell them what to do and why they're doing it!
Returning to the classroom mid year, I've explained that I took the time off to be with our little boy whom we adopted from Ethiopia.  Most of my students tell me that that is "so cool."  I also teach writing, and we use a lot of personal experiences as topics for writing and elaboration.  I sometimes discuss the impact Ethiopia has had on me and how my heart wants to go back, as soon as possible!  I would say the number one question my students have for me is this:  How do I do that?  
I am reminded that it is the adults who impose our desire for material things on kids.  Ultimately, they want to be inspired to do great things with their lives; they want to be useful.  When they see someone hurting, they want to know what they can do to help.  They just need to know that it is possible to do something and then be encouraged to see that action through.
Africa, to me, has opened my eyes to the possibilities that await us to be the hands and feet of Jesus.  It is people, every day people, who meet the needs of those who are hurting there, usually not government programs (which, in my opinion, we have turned into a farce here in the US due to "our" sometimes inappropriate dependence upon...).  It often is not someone with a doctoral degree or tons of wealth doing the serving; it is the every day person with a willing, courageous heart...every day heroes.
I believe our kids want to believe in heroes.  They want to be one.  They just want to know how and what they should do to accomplish this.  Intrinsically, they know that life is more than a big house, nice clothes, and popularity.  They just want to know that they can do it.
So, I'm so utterly thankful to be a part of a church who believes that our children can be someone's hero through the energy and love Christ has given them.  I'm thankful to be reminded that, even in the wealthy community I teach in, kids, deep down, want to help others; and that they sincerely aren't as interested in the material things we impose upon them.  It's refreshing to see this.
I ask for your prayers for our kiddos as they boldly step out into the world.  Inspire them through your actions to see that life is more than keeping up with the Jones'.  Show them the possibilities of how they can make a difference so their hearts ignite with a passion that extends beyond our shopping malls.  Walk with them to encourage them to navigate the "how do I do thats."
Thanks so much, my friends!

When God moves so should we!

Hey friends!  I am always so moved when I see people, especially friends, who have heard a call on their hearts and bravely walk forward in faith, obeying Him.  My friends, Dan and Christi, are the perfect example of this.
I met Dan and Christi on our first trip to Ethiopia; we were both meeting our beautiful boys for the first time and going to court together.  Our boys were room mates at Hannah's Hope in what we call the "turtle room," hence the big turtles painted on the walls.  Along with another family whose little man rounded out the trio in the turtle room, we undoubtedly named our boys, "the turtle boys."
Dan and Christi, now home with Malakai and expecting their second baby, have felt the strong call to do missions work in Guatemala.  I'm absolutely thrilled for them, but I know they need lots of prayers and a few donations wouldn't hurt either!
I would love for you to visit their blog to get more information on what God has called them to do. I'm so thrilled to see what God is calling them to do and how He's working!