Livin' the Dream, Craig Style

This has been a whirlwind of a week for the Craig Family.  It has left me with questions, confusion, and yet utter thankfulness.
Steve ended up in the hospital this weekend for a series of blood clots (aka DVT) that he didn't know he had.  His leg had been hurting him, and he felt a tough patch under the skin at the spot.  He called our neighbor who is a paramedic and was advised to get it checked out immediately (Thanks, Chad!).  It was date night, our first date night in seven months since bringing home our little man, and we spent it in the ER.  Hot, right?  After Steve's Doppler and blood tests, four blood clots were found.  Thankfully, three were superficial, but the fourth was/is a different story.  It apparently formed six fateful months ago.  Six months ago we were in Ethiopia having one of the most joyful moments of our lives.  I am utterly grateful that it didn't travel to his heart and cause an embolism there; our happy moment definitely would have turned tragic.  So, after two days in the hospital, Steve was released Monday night.
This is Steve's second round with a DVT.  It happened once before after his knee surgery in 2004.  I don't think Steve will ever forget being rushed to the hospital in an ambulance; it really scared the crap out of him.  We were living in Florida at the time with our then 1 1/2 year old little girl, who was going through a screaming phase that brought us to a few uncomfortable conversations with the director of her preschool.  We got him home, started on self injections of lovenox, and got him up and running.  Because this is Steve's second round with DVT, it looks like this is something that could be genetic or some sort of blood disease; we're still figuring this out with his new friend, the hematologist :)
Monday night, Steve came home, happy to see the kids and ready to take a hot shower.  He handed me a series of prescriptions, which I was happy to go and fill.  Off to Kroger I went, handed our friendly pharmacist the orders of medicine that would continue to thin Steve's blood and essentially save his life.  Steve and I are professionals, he a marketing/fundraiser for Habitat for Humanity and I'm a teacher.  We have health insurance through my workplace.  Although it has changed a bit due to budget cuts,  I was not prepared for what happened next in any shape or form.
As the pharmacist was about to hand me Steve's injections, he looked at me and said, "Now, I don't know if you're aware of this, but this script costs $900." With a smirk on my face I replied, "How much does it cost with my insurance?" thinking this was before he ran it through.  His reply, "No, this is with your insurance."  My reply, "Holy sh**."  Of course, I followed this up with the old standby:  Does this come in generic...  This is the only medicine on the market like this.  Fourteen injections=$900.  Wow.
My next move was unavoidable in my mind; I began to cry in front of the pharmacist.  This poor guy.  He must have been straight out of pharmacy school or something.  He said amidst my tears, "I would have been concerned if you weren't shocked."  Sincerely nice guy.  I handed him our credit card and signed away.  What else could I do?
I wonder if in that moment I should have just sucked it up and been overjoyed that my husband was home, we caught the clot before it traveled, etc...  But it was tough.
I then became angry on the way home.  Anger erupted on my solo sojourn, and I poured out to God that I just needed Him right then.
The more I think about it, the more justified I feel in speaking out about this.  How does this happen?
I am most likely going to write a lovely letter to my district office and our insurance company about this.  The bottom line is this:  no one should be sent home from the hospital with that kind of predicament and expect to just have money lying around like this in a life our death situation.  I am beginning to have true empathy for other people and families who are in this type of situation:  cancer patients, AIDS patients, etc...  It just seems out of control.
On top of this, we've experienced other negative things in our insurance as well.  Every time the kids see the pediatrician, we get a bill for $80, and that would continue until we reach our crazy, unreachable deductible.  HSE has kindly provided a free clinic with a very nice doctor who handles every case by handing out antibiotics like candy, and you're on your merry way.  His job is to get the employees back to work ASAP; I get it.  But when you have bigger problems than that or when you have children, you need someone who is going to take care of the whole problem and see what's sincerely going on.  This guy put Steve on three rounds of antibiotics for a nagging cough this November; while he was in the hospital, they discovered it was from acid reflux, and the cough was gone in a day.  UGH.
Health care cannot be treated like a McDonald's drive through.  I understand the quick fixes, but when we have true issues that need sincere care, we have to pay way more than we can ever think to afford (and that is with insurance that we pay for out of our paychecks!).  It infuriates me.  I am a teacher, just a hard working teacher.  I hate to use the phrase, back in the day, but back in the day, at least a teacher had good insurance.  Not anymore.  I could go on and on how teachers, who pour into the future of our country and work more hours than anyone sees, are being cut off at the knees by our government despite the worthy work we've been called to do with at least a bachelor's degree, although many of us have at least a master's degree plus many more countless trainings (sorry about the run on sentence), but then I would digress.
On a side note, I would love to see how many people they can convince to join the teaching ranks after all of the crazy bull crap they are passing through in legislation.  Unfortunately, our kids will pay the price.
Anyway, I am infuriated over our fast food health care that we're expected to pay steak dinner prices for, and then pay crazy amounts of money for scripts.  These people are on crack.  Some one's making way too much money, while I have to fund their salaries on my freaking Discover card.
 This has been one of those years for the Craig family where an elbow bumping doctor at a walk in facility is not sufficient, especially for my babies.  Steve and I suck it up, but when your 12 month old has puss coming out of his ear for the third time in six months, and the amoxicillan (sp?) they already gave you isn't working, you don't go back to the clinic.  When your 9 year old gets diagnosed with ADHD, you don't go to the clinic for that either.  And when your husband is experiencing unexplainable leg pain and you fear that he may have another blood clot, you don't go get an antibiotic, even though they're handing it out for free.
If I don't sound grateful, I am.  And thank you for putting up with my rant.  I love my job.  I love my family.  I love my God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit.  I'm so happy we'll all be in service tonight, worshipping Him and thanking Him because I am thankful.  I'm thankful we'll be sitting around our tree tomorrow with my two beautiful children, who humble me beyond words, with Alex's trillions of homemade ornaments that keep filling our tree from year to year.  We are home, we are safe, but we are broke.
Much love.  Merry Christmas to you all.  I pray that you all have the best holiday ever and that you have great health this year; really, that's my prayer!!!

Happy Birthday to my sweet boy!

Happy first birthday to my sweet boy, Jesse Getiso.  Although I'm writing this a day early, his actual birthday is on the 4th, I wanted to take some time to express how thankful I am for this amazing gift.  Jesse has lit up our lives since the day we knew of him.  There aren't enough words to express how he lights up my heart each and everyday.  We are so honored to be his parents.  

Chillin' w/ my daddy before bath time

Alex's big, toothy grin!  Mwah!

There are so many things I could say about him and how he's changed our lives.  He's just an absolute joy.  He's growing into this funny, adorable kiddo who finds random things hysterical in his car seat.  His favorite book is Llama, Llama Mad at Mama and shares his food with Charlie and Marley, our two dogs.  One of my favorite sights is when he cuddles with Steve before bathtime with his milk and just hangs with his daddy.  His laughter when Alex tickles him is contagious.  He loves to throw balls all over the house and chase after them and nuzzle his face in my hair before he goes to sleep.  I just want to eat him up everyday.  

I thank God for Jesse and Alex.  I thank Him for the opportunity to be a mommy to these two crazy, beautiful children and to be able to have moments like this.  I feel so blessed and humbled.  I love you, sweet boy! 

  

I've had enough cake now.

Blessed Beyond Measure

On this Thanksgiving, I just wanted to share some of the things I'm thankful for. (not in any particular order)
1.  I'm thankful for God who is bigger than I could ever imagine.  I'm grateful that He's in control of my life and not me.
2.  My amazing, hilarious husband who makes me laugh every day.  Our marriage and relationship is more than this girl could ever dream of.
3.  My beautiful kiddos.  Alex, my benevolent dictator who will take over a small country one day, is my teacher and my partner in crime.  She surprises me every day with new insights.  TJ, who showed me how significant a life is, no matter how short it is.  And finally, Jesse Getiso, my sunshine; I now understand why all of my boyfriends' mothers hated me growing up.  I will cut a hoochie mama if she comes near my son (not that I was a hoochie mama, but the mother son bond is indescribable).
4.  I'm thankful for our church family at Harvest who has been through some crazy times w/ the Craig family this year.  I love this group of people.
5.  My small group is out of control.  Thank you for accepting me, bumps and bruises included and for laughing at my corkiness.  I would sleep in a cabin in the woods for any of you guys any time.  Yes, I will make the documentary about our group one day.
6.  My in laws.  I feel like I've grown so close to them, especially since moving to Indy.  They would do anything for me at anytime.  I can't believe how supportive they are.  I love them dearly.
7.  A job that supported me in taking some time off to be home with my kids while Jesse adjusted.  Thank you, HSE.
8.  Teaching.  It gives me purpose and an outlet to help kids find who they are in this crazy world.  I'm honored and humbled to work among professionals who love kids so much.
9.  My mini van.  I must admit that I've hated this car, but now that I have two kids I'm grateful.
10.  HGTV, which helps fill in some of the gaps in my day.
11.  Meijer.  They make great diapers, and they're cheap.  Also, they carry a big selection of organic food, and I don't feel like I have to chop off a limb to pay for it.
12.  Being able to go to Ethiopia twice this year.  Absolutely, hands down, some of the greatest memories of my life for a variety of reasons.  I can't wait to go back.  I feel as if there's a part of me there now.
13.  Our friends from all over the country, whom we traveled with to Ethiopia.  Oh my gosh, I love this group of moms dearly.
14.  Technology to communicate with friends, especially those far away, including my O-town ya yas.
15.  Access to good healthcare.  Enough said.
16.  The public library, which is my new favorite place.  I heart story time.
17.  Being able to get baptized with my Alex.  I was much more emotional than I imagined I would be.
18.  All God's Children and Hannah's Hope.  What an incredible group of people who are truly a champion for children.  Our adoption process was bumpy, but they stuck with us through it all.  Also, when we had to leave Jesse on our first trip, I knew how much love they were pouring into our little man at HH.  God bless them.
19.  JabuAfrica.  I love that I get to do whatever I can for this organization.  Thanks, Sarah, for all you do.
20.  The crazy road that has led me to Christ.  No more words needed.

Ok, that's enough.  I'm certain I'm leaving things out.  It's bound to happen.  Happy Thanksgiving.  I send you love and warm wishes on this wonderful day.

Giving Thanks

Yesterday, after stuffing myself silly at Alex's class Thanksgiving feast, she turned to me in the car and said, "Well, tomorrow is going to be the worst day ever."
Surprised, I asked why.  She responded, "Tomorrow is the day TJ died last year."
She remembered that on the eve of Thanksgiving, her little brother whom she dreamed about and prayed for died.
One year later, I remember that she was with me, just she and I, when I received the news that he suddenly passed away in the middle of the night.  We were in my classroom on my day off preparing for the substitute who was to take the reins for me while Steve and I were in Ethiopia officially making TJ ours, just days away from getting on that plane and holding him in our arms.  She is the one that heard and saw my sobs on the phone as I received the news; my then 8 year old girl.  I understand that this is a day that she will remember for a long time to come.
The Holy Spirit was with me in the car yesterday as I began to tell her this:
Tomorrow we will celebrate a great God who is taking care of our boy.   Even though we will be sad because he isn't here with us, we will give Him our thanks for all that He's doing for TJ until we get there ourselves to see and rejoice with him.  We'll be thankful that our hearts formed a very special place for him.  And we're gonna celebrate that He brought home Jesse, our amazing Jesse.  Our family grew with two boys since a year ago, not just one.
Today, I ask that you lift up in prayer the orphans of the world.  There are an estimated five million orphans in Ethiopia.  We have had the opportunity to love, with all of our hearts, two sweet boys who were once called orphans.  One is dancing with Jesus and the other is trying to snatch his sister's chocolate muffin with a huge grin on his face.  Pray for their safety, health, education, and overall well being, but most of all, pray that they have the opportunity to be a part of a family, to be adopted.
Thanks so much and thank you to our Lord for all that He does.  Much love to you as you head into this delicious holiday and give thanks for all that you have.  We are so blessed.

On this Orphan Sunday

Today is Orphan Sunday, as many of you know.  Today was not just a day to reflect on our adoption process, but my sweet daughter, Alex, and I were baptized.  It was a two fold day of joy.  I was a spectrum of emotions as I watched my girl go into the baptism pool and then to go myself in front of our friends and family at our amazing church today.  We declared that our love for Jesus is the most important thing in our lives, publicly.  It was so glorious and humbling.  I'm so thankful to have had this moment today.
This evening, in order to reflect on Orphan Sunday, I went through our referral paperwork and pictures on both TJ and Jesse.  I have to say, this was very moving for me.  TJ was abandoned in a hospital shortly after his birth with his twin sister, who died minutes after her birth.  We never had information on his birth mother.  We received pictures of this tiny boy with a worried look on his face.  I remember thinking that I couldn't wait to hold him and bring our love into his heart, so he wouldn't look so afraid.  I remember praying that God would bring a comfort to his heart that his mamma was coming soon and everything would be ok.
Although, technically, TJ died an orphan, he was never that in my heart.  He was mine the second I heard his story on the phone with Brandi, our case manager at AGCI, and laid eyes on his picture.  I was days, just days from getting on a plane to hold him and go to court to make him officially ours.
The other day I was watching Little Women with Alex.  I uncontrollably found tears streaming down my face when Beth was speaking her last words to Joe.  She was saying that when she died she would feel homesick for her sisters because even though she would be in heaven, she would miss her sisters who had such a big place in her heart.  It was cold and blustery outside, much like the day before Thanksgiving last year when we received the news that our boy didn't make it through the night at Hannah's Hope.  We had just gotten the news only 16 hours earlier that TJ was released from the hospital with pneumonia; we didn't even know he was sick before that call; it happened so fast.  I know we'll see TJ in heaven, but sometimes I feel homesick for him.  He has a special place in my heart and always will.
Our goal last year was to just get through the holidays.  We did more than that.  We held one another a bit tighter, we counted our blessings, we thanked God that our boy was with Him, we cried, we prayed, we talked, we regrouped, we changed.  We knew that God gave us this boy to love, and we knew we always would.  We walked through the pain with the help of our friends, the love of our family, and the grace and the comfort that only our God gives.
In late January, we decided that we couldn't turn our backs on what God called us to do.  We gave the thumbs up to AGCI that we would like to move forward with our process, and they gave us their blessing.  They grieved with us too during that season.  Looking back, I'm so thankful for them in ways that I never gave them credit for.
On February 15th, we received this picture:

and this one:

and this one too:

Pictures of a sweet boy named Getiso at 2 months old.  We saw those sweet eyes and smile and moved forward with cautious optimism.  We didn't know right away that we would name him Jesse.  That came later when we felt it was a great name for a little brother.  He was described as happy and strong-willed, and I can atest to that :)   Today, reading his referral, it is bitter sweet.  I mourn for his birth mother.  I pray for her by name everyday.  I can't imagine what my life would be like without this boy, and yet I know that she does live without him.  It's hard.  Because not only do I love this boy with all my heart, I love his birth mamma too.  How could I not?

For those of you who know my Jesse, you know a boy who smiles ALL THE TIME.  He's a boy who loves to high five, pat his head, clap hands, and flirts with everyone in church.  He's joy defined.  He's my boy, and he is loved beyond measure.  

I never saw my boys as "orphans."  They were mine the second I knew them.  

Sometimes I hear people say, "I don't think I could do that," meaning the international adoption thing.  I don't judge them in any way.  I understand the questions or fears behind a statement like that, and I appreciate someone's honesty.  This is just what Steve and I were called to do, whatever route we've travelled to get there.  He's our son, that simple.  It wasn't meant to be any other way.  And I gotta tell you, I would do it again in a heartbeat.  Yes, I would fill out every last bit of paperwork and take the same risks all over again.  We are blessed and that's all there is to it. 

So, today I celebrate Jesus in my individual walk and in my daughter's life and my family's life.  I thank Him for all of it.  I ask Him to bring families to the children who are waiting all over the world, just waiting and praying like you and me.  Thank You, Lord.  Thank You for my family.  Thank You for this love.     

tmi...lol.

As my crazy girl heads closer to her ninth birthday, it is weighing heavily on me what this year brought on for me when I was her age...puberty.  I come from a long line of women who develop early into womanhood; lucky us.  During my nine year old experience, my mother decided that it was a good idea to have "the talk."  You know exactly what I'm talking about too.  The birds and the bees, her monthly visitor, and the physical changes of womanhood.
To say that I am freaked out about doing this is an understatement.  I mean, what a freaking responsibility.  So, I've spent some time hashing out the memory of my mom sitting me down and taking out a book entitled Period.  What a trip!  There were drawings of little girls with sanitary napkins and tampons with awkward illustrated girls of all shapes, sizes, and colors.  Gotta love it.  So, I endured the discussion, but I was grateful for it, especially a year later when my visitor invaded.
I've been reading stuff on how to go about having this talk, and I'm still nervous as you know what.  One book suggested I have this tete a tete with a gift basket of women's products and sundry items.  My kid might stick them on her head and make a craft out of it.  I fear that she'll think it's something to bedazzle and a tampon as material for a mobile.  Who am I kidding?  I'm in a bind.
It is with this fear and trepidation that I ask for prayer as I prepare to have this conversation with my baby girl.  Yes, MY BABY GIRL.
I called my mom today and explained that it's probably time to do this thing.  She seemed as freaked out as I, and my husband was barely verbal when I brought the subject up after the kids went to bed the other night, which is just weird.
Alex is a little girl.  She's smart, but she doesn't go there from what I see.  Just the other day she asked me if I would like to join her I.H.J.B Club.  Yup, that stands for I hate Justin Beiber.  Sorry, Justin.  My kid just ain't buyin' it, and according to her, she has no idea why Selena Gomez would want to date him.  She's super cool in our house.  It's not that she's unaware of boys; I spy secret crushes, but this conversation changes the game.  Ick.
All the literature says you have to have this talk between the ages of 8-10, and especially with our family history, I feel backed into a corner.
Moms out there, how have you done this?  What worked?  I want to hear all about it.
I strive to make this a positive, God-centered talk about how she was created and how beautiful she is and this is, but it's not easy.  I'll take all the advice I can get.
Much love,
Kathy

Fear of Bumper Stickers

I know this is going to sound weird, but I have a strange new fear of anything that sticks to a car such as a bumper sticker, magnet, or decal.  I can remember, back when I was a kid, it became popular to slam that "My kid is an honor roll student at such and such Elementary School!" sticker on one's bumper.  The "un-honor roll" parents' aversion to those stickers was palpable as the un-bumper sticker moms and dads would poke fun at them like no one's business.
Needless to say, you don't see those honor roll stickers out there anymore.  I think people realized it was like saying, "My kid is awesome, and I'm an awesome parent, and you suck."
But my new fear began a few years ago when Alex started kindergarten, and I thumped the magnet for her school on my minivan.  I would roll up into my school's parking lot, where I teach, and feel awkward every day because here I am teaching at a public school (which I love, by the way), and my daughter is going to a private school.  I felt like it was an invitation for fight club at any given moment:  How could I do that?  Are you stuck up?  Is public school not good enough for you?
As a side note, Alex doesn't go to public school for any of those questioning accusations.  We take it year by year and evaluate what our pocket books can stretch to and most importantly, what's best for Alex.  She loves where she goes to school, so we haven't moved her yet.
I digress...
Putting that magnet made me feel vulnerable.  I had to answer for that to anyone who saw it.  The other conflict was that there were some days where I wasn't a 100% fan of her school, which every parent goes through from day to day no matter where their kid goes to school.  I felt guilty being the rolling billboard on days that were challenging for me.
OK, example #2:  Alex's swim club car magnet.  Alex joined the local swim club a few years ago too.  I slapped that magnet on as well.  Again, I had my own parental challenges with that on particular days and felt like it wasn't permanent that she was going to do it forever.
So, I'm car magnet/bumper sticker free now.  I don't know, maybe it takes a certain confidence and comfort level with your life to be able to carry them off well.  Obviously I don't have that, so I'm not hating on anyone who rolls with various medallions.  Our life changes a lot and often.  We're still figuring things out and maybe that's why I fear the bumper sticker:  it's so freaking permanent.  It feels like writing with a Sharpie that will never come off.
Sometimes as I'm cruising I see really good one: there was one that said, "Normal isn't working for you?" and the "t" was a cross.  I LOVED that.  I also love the Africa/Ethiopia decals with the heart in them, but those make me feel that I'm leaving my biological daughter out.  I know this sounds crazy.  I have issues; I know this.
So for now, I will admire some of your "stickers," and I may smirk from time to time at some of them, but I guess that's what makes life interesting and fun.  They certainly make me think about stuff.  Oh well!