Last night was the kick off Women's Bible Study meeting for the year for our church.  This year we're doing something different, we're doing a different topic each week.  Yesterday, we started off with a focus from Beth Moore's Breaking Free study.  I don't know about you, but I know every time I'm about to get into a Beth Moore anything, it's going to be intense.  Last night didn't disappoint.
We discussed how we walk around with these stigmas of shame and sometimes go through the cycle of defeat rather than wind ourselves into a cycle of victory.  I know for certain that I have walked around with stigmas, sins and experiences that I've used to define me and not walk in the full glory of God.  I have found myself, particularly over the past year, in situations where I was being tested with these stigmas.  Sometimes I failed the test, and I knew better.  I carry a lot of repent for those moments.  But we are human, and we will fail the tests every now and then UNTIL we learn our lesson, recognize what we need to do differently an DO it.  Beth Moore made such an awesome point last night:  God wants us to be victorious, and that's why he keeps giving us the same tests over and over again until we conquer it in Him.  Man, how awesome is that?
I was not only thinking about this in my own life, but also in my daughter's life.  Holy cannoli, have we been going through some tumultuous times.  She is adjusting to life as a sibling while battling attitude & obeying issues, and we're trying to figure out how we can help her through this so that she comes out victorious.  Currently, she has a vicious habit of wanting to have the last word in any disagreement.  My prayer (as I'm ready to rip my hair out of my head and discipline her without letting my emotions get the better of it) is that she will still herself to hear God's voice before she abruptly allows her ego to try to get the best of the situation.  I know God is going to help her overcome this because He keeps giving her this test knowing that she will be victorious in Him.  I realized this last night.  So, I'm trying to rejoice in this epiphany before our next tete a tete.  Oh well.
I want to see myself and everyone go full circle, get to the place like when the Israelites got to Gilgal (look it up; HUGE!) and walk in His glory.  I'll tell you what, I have not done that very well.  I don't think I've allowed myself to be victorious, to be truly identified in Him and what Jesus did for me; instead I've held onto the my past identities:  crazy, poor self image, failure (and the list could go on), and held myself down because of that.
I just want to encourage all of us to cling to the robe God made for you through His son.  That is our identity.  I want to soar with Him; that's what He wants for us!
I'll tell you my biggest weakness, but it also has to do with something that I'm really good at:  blending in.  I've always been pretty good at adapting to new situations, but that's not always a good thing.  I think it has put me on the fence rather than standing on the side where I know God wants me to be.  I need to be careful; I know this is a weakness of mine.  But again, I know God will keep testing me until I am victorious.  I became truly aware of this last night, and I'm grateful.  I've compromised and sinned against God because of this, and I don't want to do that again.  I don't want to be that kind of disciple, all raggedy and torn up because I kept sinning against Him just to blend in, when I knew better!  I want to fly to Him and know that I took every experience on earth and was obedient and faithful.  I know I can't be perfect (ha ha ha ha), but I can do better with the knowledge and wisdom that He gives me.  I have to believe that He will use me ten times more that way than to do it "my way."  And that's all I want, that is my heart's desire:  to be used by God in whatever way He calls me to do.  That fills my heart more than anything!
I want to be different.  I want His light to shine through me more.  As Beth Moore said, the victory has already been won through Christ Jesus, we just have to roll our stuff to Him and accept Him, His death, and what that really means, and wear it.  I want that to be my armor, not my pride, ego, or desire to fit in.
Anyway, just some thoughts for today.  I'm gonna go frost some funfetti cupcakes now while my lil man is snoozing.
Much love, my friends!